A Carnivorous Traitor: My Choice In Veganism

Rewind the tape back seven whole days, when the plate on my table consisted of chicken strips, spicy wings and mayonnaise dips. You’d find me munching on a Five Guys burger or a Domino’s pizza, blissfully ordering KFC cheesecakes for dessert with a hefty side of milkshake. A diet, which had been hammered into my brain since early puberty, when I’d reach for anything cheap and easy, as opposed to forming consideration in nutrition.

As Dr. Alejandro Junger would gently put it – I had stopped eating food and was instead surviving off of food-like products.

Now, going back into my family history, we find an abundance of farms and countryside traditions. I grew up in a small town, where everybody had animals and most suppers consisted of according derivatives. We had cold, harsh winters where grandmothers would stack beef cutlets and can chicken soups to attempt and preserve our warmth. This lifestyle had been passed through generations for hundreds of years. Our animals were treated with respect until the day they were too old or too ill and would have to be put down. Only then did we find a reason to consume them. Mostly, cows, pigs and chickens were a part of the community’s agricultural system, limited as it was, and they helped us grow tomatoes and potatoes. Whenever a herbivorous friend passed, we couldn’t afford to waste their food source. Grasping only what the Earth gives you can be an exiguous find, especially high along the mountain ranges. Long story short – we made do and that meant meat.

Today I find myself in London, among twenty-three million other citizens. An overcrowded city, which is struggling for air and space. Supermarkets and independent sellers have to compete with their prices in order to feed as many people as possible. This means that sometimes their farms turn into factories and morality becomes a weakness, rather than a strength. Large hangers equate to increased simultaneous production per single farmer, which thereby reducing labour costs. Push safety laws to their very brink and you can feed the “produce” hormone-infused supplements, rather than natural ingredients like grain, seed and plants. This forces animals to grow faster and bigger, making them suitable for market early, which once again speeds up the manufacturing process. We no longer put them down, we slaughter them by the hundreds of thousands.

The result is a dark room with a sea of chickens, whose breasts are so big and swollen, they collapse to the ground, unable to carry their own weight. Cows fed and milked in metal cubicles, where all bodily functions can be made in one standing position. Pigsties left ridden with feces, kept perpetually dirty despite their confinement. These are some of animal farming’s severest cases and I would like to acknowledge that not all holdings are like this. To me, the very idea of such existence, even on a small scale, is more than disappointing – it is increasingly frightening. But I shan’t make this article about cruelty, I don’t wish to make it a propaganda-like piece or word it to be perceived as such. This is merely my own journey and reasoning to change.

If you are interested on learning more about this side of the topic, however, I could recommend a few good watches, which are conveniently available on Netflix. Some of them include “Hungry For Change” (2012), “Food, Inc.”  (2008) and “Food Matters” (2008). Probable exhibition of unethical animal treatment is present, so do beware if you are on the squeamish side.

My lengthy opposition to becoming vegan was that plants are also organisms. Just like us, they breathe and rest, they feed and grow. So what justifies killing a vegetable more than it does a cow? One argument, which has been presented time and time again is that flora has no brain. It has no thought process. Despite this, we need vegetation to survive on this planet, because we rely on the oxygen it produces for us. Do those two balance each other out? Maybe.

Another is that humans were designed to be primarily herbivorous. Let’s take a look at our distant cousins – the chimpanzees, who have a similar digestive system to ours. They are omnivores, meaning to feed off of anything their habitat provides. Upon closer inspection, we see that equates to the vast variety of plants and fruits available to them, alongside small insects. Occasionally, chimps have also been known to hunt mammals, the key word here being, you guessed it – occasionally. We are wired in a very similar way! Another mammals’ meat could be eaten often, but not as a primary source of protein and nutrition. It is a part of our evolutionary make-up to hunt and feast, but that does not mean there are no other options for humans to be healthy as a species and even gather benefits from a plant-oriented existence.

For me, frankly, there is no winning side. Animals get treated badly, plants have been notoriously abused with chemicals for a multitude of years, humans incorporate both of them into the production machine. However, I cannot expect to survive with longevity and vibrancy on a diet purely consisting of meat. So, the scales have weighed in the opposite direction, which now makes me a vegan.

It all boils down to one accident, which happened not so long ago in a kingdom called England. I was standing in my kitchen, contemplating some late lunch recipes, when I decided to make roast chicken. It would feed me for at least two days, which meant I could concentrate on other things in the meantime. So far, so good, I have made roast chicken with sea salt a million times before. It is perhaps the easiest way to make a delicious and simple meal.

I took the whole chicken out of my fridge and went to wash it off in the sink. But as I opened its packaging and ran the cold, tap water, a sudden wave of emotion came over me. I felt sad. No, I felt horribly sad for this poor animal, who I had never known or been friends with. I hadn’t grown up with it or pet its feathers. It was a chicken, which had never seen me either, who now lay dead in my hands, because I wanted a quick bite for lunch. I felt strangely ashamed and selfish, but I carried on with my day as if nothing had happened at all.

I lived with meat for another few months, until last week came around, when I woke up in the morning and decided that today was one of change. I would begin a new lifestyle, supporting animal rights and dignity the best way I knew how to – through caring for them and not consuming them.

Please, do not take this as a call for action. No one in my family or friend circle is vegan or vegetarian and that is okay. I am not here to attempt and convert anyone into a new non-dairy, non-egg, non-animal religion. I respect your choice, whatever that may be. Supporting animal rights can be done in many different ways, being vegan is simply one of them. And when I look back through the years and wonder how it all started, I’ll come back to this article and remind myself why I began and where I was headed.

Thank you for sticking with me this Tuesday!

See you next week.

 

Ugly Bodies: A Business

 

 

 

There is a rather frightening statistic that only 4% of girls and women around the world consider themselves beautiful. If we quickly crunch the numbers in that equation, our results would lead to a total of 3.5 billion women self-conscious of their looks, out of a 3.6 billion total female population.

Furthermore, 7 out of 10 girls believe they do not measure up to a standard, or alternatively to a friend or family member in the appearance and performance department. That’s a seventy percent not only self-aware, but arguably self-critical to what could be a harmful degree.

Men have a similar issue, with 80.7% regularly engaging in “body talk” and expressing dissatisfaction with their own muscularity. In a recent study, researchers also discovered that 51% of school boys aged in the 11 to 14 bracket report low confidence in their body image. Doesn’t that make for a sad thought?

I really don’t mean to bombard you with numbers and exercise those rusty arithmetic muscles! The point of this article is to hopefully incite thought and conversation about the reality of bodies and the boundaries for beauty! I won’t force you to whip out the old Texas Instruments, but I might attempt to shed some light on the ongoing issue with self-worth and the way business controls all.

You’ve heard the media being blamed over and over again. Although their involvement in the glorification of certain body types and features is undeniable, there’s a bigger culprit hiding in plain sight. Beauty companies make profit out of making you feel bad, that’s just a highly effective way to make capital. Granting the public painful self-awareness is such corporations’ biggest, quickest way to Christmas bonuses and monthly remunerations. It’s you versus money, and to a stranger that choice isn’t too difficult. Their system’s been working for decades and you know what they say – if the machine ain’t broke… Why fix it?

The logic is very simple – you walk down the street, you clock a billboard with a model. She’s sporting a gorgeous cherry red lipstick and that makes her face look absolutely phenomenal. Do your lips look like that? No. Do you want them to? Of course! That chick looks amazing and is obviously successful enough to be considered the optimum lip image. So, the closest you could possibly resemble her is by buying the product she’s wearing and hope for the best. I’ll take this time to coin the phrase “pretty by association”, because that result is more than likely to be your outcome. The beauty company who has paid for the media to spread that image gains profit, while you leave with the idea of  flawed features.

I feel the need to clarify this, because when I was a teenager roaming the internet, I had no idea how the hierarchy was structured. I thought it didn’t matter, I wasn’t interested in finding out. The damage was being done whether I knew that key piece of information or not. But my twenty-one-year-old self is here to tell you it’s vital to be aware. There’s nothing inherently wrong with anyone’s physique, there’s just an astonishingly lucrative business of giving consumers lasting insecurities. There is no hard-set societal opinion behind the sea of Photoshopped, doctored images that circulate our streets and devices. Those messages do not come from our population’s widespread appeal, but they are given to us as such. They are sold to us. For money.

Let’s give it a quick (and loose) comparison with pornography. Erotic films are not a realistic depiction of sex and the public knows this. You walk into the bedroom with a lover and neither of you expects a three-hour bang session of perfectly timed ejaculations and endless supply of sheets. Although the majority of men and women don’t seem to realise this, everyday advertisements work in the exact same way.

Nobody expects us to fit a mould, but that inflamed sense of self-criticism in the back of our mind. The modern consumer is a lot more savvy with the internal mechanism of media, enabling them to have a more realistic approach on self image. However, teens and young adults have a harder time considering the bigger picture of influences, especially so with the flood of unrealistic depiction that surrounds them. I, for example, had more than a serious case of tunnel vision, which ultimately translated into – look like this person, or stay home. Having pores and stretch marks had become a deal breaker to my happiness and social success. It’s inescapable, because it’s meant to be! This means we’re sacrificing mental health for the survival of a Capitalist structure, which is not to say there is a grand flaw in Capitalism’s design. But it does make us question the decline of morality and ethical treatment. Does that ring like misplaced priorities? It should!

However, just because someone creates a mould for their own monetary benefit, that does not mean we need to abide by it. Companies cannot physically force you to buy their products, because that would be illegal. Psychological extortion, on the other hand, is a fine line. Showcasing flawless models of people, which have been digitally altered to perfection, sells units.

A diversity of realistic bodily features does not gain exposure for that particular reason. When was the last time you saw a L’Oreal commercial with an ageing woman, who has beard fuzz or liver spots? Point to any internationally recognised clothing brand such as Tommy Hilfiger, Dolce and Gabbana or Gucci – the kind of brands who can afford to surround your environment. Do they proudly show diversity and if so, how much? Do they actively promote a variety of genetic make-up?

Even sports companies like Adidas and Nike fall in that category. Even though they celebrate an athletic physique, which is a step forward in the catalogue of body types, their athletes normally receive some sort of pampering to aid their appearance. This could be either through the use of tanning, make-up or post-production alterations. Notice how many of their “characters” carry natural features such as body hair, cellulite or veins.

This Reebok advertisement is a good example to look at. I picked it, because it manages to illustrate a good amount of points at once. Let’s start with the fact that every woman has a full face of make-up on. Take a moment to appreciate their perfect hair and lack of sweat. The purpose of the portrayed exercise session is to demonstrate that females can look gorgeous while they’re attempting to burn off extra calories. So why would we, as viewers, want to appear ugly, when we can obviously be appealing?  You buy the leggings, because they make this athlete’s legs toned and firm. You’d want that! The top really accentuates her waist and makes it slimmer. Of course you’d need that! You wouldn’t want to be flabby and unsightly, God forbid you seem like there are flaws you’re working very hard to amend.

But here’s the bottom line. We’re human. We are not necessarily going to look like a fine selection of models, neither are we expected to. Just because Reebok needs to forward their business for profit, it does not mean you have to change yourself to accommodate them.

The point that I’m trying to convey is – rarely can we trust our eyes, and when an entire planet is looking at the same pictures and stereotypes, that becomes an issue. When does reality become too deluded? When will we prioritise people instead of money?

The spark of doubt in the back of your mind – the question whether you’re worthy, whether you fit in a category or match a standard – that equates to money. Your self-awareness has a price and there are thousands of companies waiting to set it. While public images may revolve around somebody else’s beauty ideal, in the reality of things nobody expects ultimate perfection. The same way you appreciate other people’s quirks and flaws, someone is appreciating yours. In our age of media and entrepreneurship, it’s easier than ever to wound others for profit. If the world is proving to be a harsh and judgemental place, the least we can do is be kind to ourselves and spread that to the next person.

None of us are perfect, but all of us are beautiful.

 

 

Like this post? Disagree with what I’m saying? Please don’t be afraid to put your thoughts as a comment below.

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Have a good one!

 

Mango’s Killer Jacket Game

To all my peeps in London, with love, comes this highly targeted post on the topic of jackets! We have been experiencing what I could only imagine is an Arctic chill and there is no sweeter escape than spending some cash on a new coat. It’s a matter of survival, after all. Let’s be real.

Wanting to sniff some lucrative deals around, I embraced on a journey through the new collections. What I stumbled upon was a treasure chest. The same golden nugget we are sharing here today – Mango’s amazing spring/summer jacket line! Obviously by some sort of cruel mistake, I seem to have ignored this brand for a number of years, only to re-discover it this month. Just in time for the perfect, little splurge! Here are some of the apparel feasts, from the fashion gods, passeth down to us – mortals!

What I’m looking for in a new jacket is specific shades and colours! This season I’m betting on the all-neutral wave with a random pop of colour, first of all, the black and white hype second, and thirdly – an unusual pattern style. As I mentioned in my “Fashion Block” this month, tiny, repetitive structures are in, being accompanied by equally exaggerated imagery. While the first set of coats were a more beige and brown tone, I’ve picked the second stack in greens. Both of them will give you a little elegant note, while remaining the signature fresh rebellion stamp.

Next, we move on to the blacks, followed by pieces with floral detailing. I think I’d be wise to invest in both. My finances argue.

 

 

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Top Picks: Topshop’s Karlie Kloss Inspo

Imagine you had a day off. Maybe it’s the weekend, maybe you called in sick so you wouldn’t have to face Susan from accounting, the possibilities are endless. It’s pouring rain outside, thus creating the conditions for a cosy afternoon in bed. You make an obligatory, slash complimentary, mug of coffee and sit on your computer. From then on, the browsing of clothing and make-up begins. Am I right? Totally.

So, having found myself in precisely that situation this morning, I went on Topshop. My intentions were to check what they have in the new collections. Turns out, to my excitement, that they are doing a Karlie Kloss collaboration! Without further ado, here are my top inspiration picks!

 

Here we are. If only clothes from online retailers could magically appear inside of my closet, this world would be a slightly better place. By slightly I mean a lot.

Pinterest Styles: Doc Martens

I think a fair share of us must be familiar with the Pinterest syndrome. The tireless nights of clicking and scrolling, the strenuous searching and tagging, all of which sums up to a vastness of internet mood boards. I’m guilty of spamming my followers with bursts of picture sharing, but I get rather excited about the diversity of sources and topics. If you’re not on Pinterest yet, I have no clue what your nights consist of, except maybe a healthy, social lifestyle, but who needs that anyway?

In today’s episode of Pinterest Styles, we’re gonna explore some trends in creating an outfit with Doc Martens. As one of my favourite shoe brands, I found grand heaps on inspiration and ideas, so the thought of this column surfaced. So, here’s five different ways to style your favourite Doc Martens.

Denim Accents

This trend stems from the olden days, when Dr. Martens could primarily be seen on England’s skinheads. Distressed denim is a staple in an anarchy-inspired wardrobe, so combining the two should be almost compulsory at this point.

Funky Socks

This is the month of sock experimentation. Try a different colour on each foot and be proud of it, slip on some orange cactus babies, or blue dolphin ones. They stand out, elevating your outfit into a fashion statement.

Trench Coat It

How about a long, winter coat with a sprinkle of rolled-up jeans and some Docs underneath? Does that sound like a winning combination? Because it is! The juxtaposition between lengths gives you asymmetry, which is trending this season.

Maxi Skirt

Instead of going all the way, go for a skirt which stops mid-calf. You want to stay in the note of new collections, but also show off your sweet pair of Dr. Martens.

Dungarees

Have a throw back into childhood and invest in a comfortable look with some short dungarees. They keep making reappearances in fashion trends, so whichever season you walk them in, be confident it’s being appreciated.

BONUS

Here are some lone outfits that didn’t quite fit my categories properly, but are kicking strong enough to be winners.

Hopefully some of these styles will inspire you to diversify the way you wear Doc Martens. I know they inspire me a fair deal and my bank account shall be the first to suffer. Boot collection, here I come!

January Beauty Treats

If you follow my blog, you know that I comfortably fall into the category of tomboy. That includes my use of make-up, which happens to be rather shameful. Foundation and eye liner are the only products I use on a daily basis. In the world of girls, this translates as medieval level of craftsmanship. As a part of my new year resolutions, I have vouched to pamper myself a little more and amp the stylish clothes away from teenage dirtbag. At least I can be a shiny barbie on the outside and still be the same reject on the inside, right?

So, in light of this, I went for a humble shopping trip in the mall next door. I ventured past jungles of bottles and things with scary pumps. They confused me, so I steered clear. Then, being five in the mental department, I saw shelves full of colours, so I thought – yep, this is my final destination. Long story short, I ended up with a bunch of lipsticks and nail polishes. So here are the chosen ones! Enjoy.

My first pick was sparkles. There’s an eighties come back in the new fashion season, so I thought my nails should reflect accordingly. The Rimmel Love Glitter’s “All Glittered Up” (032) contains tiny shards of red, pink and blue. There’s a metallic finish to it, which is what you’d be looking for in a top coat.

I didn’t stop with just one. In my defence, the Love Glitter line is entirely too addictive. It’s like sugar for my nails. So, I ended up purchasing “A Crush On You” (034), too. It contains the exact same shards, except in metallic blues and greens. Colourful grunge is making a return and I’m here to embrace it like a long-lost puppy.

Making a nice segway to the topic of blues, here you can see Essie’s “Lapis of Luxury” (94). It’s a soft, ocean-like tint, which not only reflects the surfer chick in me, but is also trending. I’d pair it up with some of Dolce & Gabbana’s winter collection. If you need a block colour to invest in, any shade of blue is the way to go.

Next up, I thought I’d buy a necessary tone of neutral beige. Like I mentioned, beauty products have not been my strongest point the past years, so this January I’m starting from scratch. This shade of Rimmel Salon PRO is called “Soul Session” (237). It’s from the Kate Moss’s collaboration for the brand, which also has some of my all-time favourite lip sticks. This reminds me of Kanye’s Yeezy collection on the runways, which concentrated on beiges and dull tones. They have a lot of space for juxtaposition, so the options here are endless.

Just when you thought I was done with the metallic obsession. Just hear me out here, why add shimmery specs when you can go all out on fabulous eighties? It’s a no brainer. But seriously, this would be a banger for extravagant client meetings and night life adventures around London. This particular bottle is Barry M’s Nail Paint in “Arabian” (549).

We’re graduating from nail polish and entering the multiverse of lip sticks. I have here, in my magical hand, what is in fact a Christmassy shade. However, the saturated, dark scarlet is freckled with golden specs, which makes it rather timeless. Due to my Balkan complexion, which is unfortunate in most situations, I can pull off deeper colours better than lighter ones. L’Oreal’s “Cristal Cappuccino” (362) is almost a black bean colour, which makes it grunge-like, and therefore January approved!

Second up, this is a lip stick I keep repurchasing, because of its versatility. It’s Rimmel London’s “Vintage Pink” (180) and it so happens to be a major keeper in my books. It’s lighter than “Cristal Cappuccino” with what I consider is very close to a dusted rose kind of tint. It looks great on its own for daily use, or layered on top of bright reds, turning them into a plum colour.

Last on my list we have MaxFactor’s “Mulberry” (685)! I pulled away from the reds and decided on a pink addition to my newly-found collection. The name describes its shade perfectly, it’s a very berry colour, which has shimmer finer than “Cristal Cappuccino”. It would be great for afternoon errands out and about, especially complimented with a lighter outfit.

I’ve been developing a scary perfume addiction the past week and this baby was on a sixty percent discount. So, it would have constituted as a sin not to invest in it. Tommy Hilfiger is one of my top brands for clothing, thus making my decision-maker confident in spending money on their fragrance. It’s a flowery smell, which I can best describe as a spring, countryside morning. I would suit everyday use best, although you could pull it off on any event!

Here we go, these are my beauty treats for week one of January. I’ll make these mini hauls whenever I invest some cash into pampering products, which I expect will be around twice a month. Hopefully, by the end of 2016, I’ll be an educated beauty guru to my best standards, which in the real world are probably entirely too low. Anyhow, have a grand day, have an amazing month! See you next Tuesday.

January Film Releases I’m Excited About

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Christmas Film Reviews: “Miracle on 34th Street”

With the realisation I might just get shot for this, I’d like to say I haven’t much favour for “Miracle on 34th Street”. It’s not normally a Christmas tick on my list, but since that opinion remains unpopular, I am reviewing it today, forcing an attempt to stay objective. Despite that, I cannot promise against a healthy dose of bias, which is hopefully not too harsh towards the picture. It stars legendary actor Richard Attenborough as Kris Kringle, a.k.a. secret Santa; Mara Wilson, Elizabeth Perkins and Dylan McDermott. So far, every ingredient for a successful blizzard are present.

Susan Walker does not believe in Santa Clause! She is a clever, well-spoken girl and the daughter of special events director Dorey Walker, who insists on teaching truthfulness over fiction. They live in a spacious flat by the city’s centre, neighbouring handsome lawyer Bryan, who is also Dorey’s boyfriend. When Kris Kringle, an old man with a fluffy, white beard comes into their lives with a promise of fantastical proportions, nobody truly believes him. However, Dorey is in need of help and simply can’t resist the opportunity to hire him. Soon enough everyone finds themselves in the midst of a dilemma. Kris Kringle lets the rivalry between him and an ex-mall Santa get a little too aggressive, Dorey is confused about her feelings for Bryan, who seems to want more than she can offer. Little Susie is left in between the merging sides of fact and legend and she doesn’t know who to believe anymore. Hopefully a Christmas miracle can swing by, magically making everything fit into place, but can 34th street make it through?

Now, here is my issue – “Miracle on 34th Street” feels more like a court film, which happens to feature Santa Clause, than it does the other way around. It’s a film about divorce, cynicism, hopelessness and… the judicial system of the United States? The plot’s supposed culmination, which is structured around Bryan’s defence for Kringle, is riddled with holes and, to my sensibilities, utter ridiculousness. If children believe the old man is truly Santa, then by God, it must be so! The dollar trick played during Judge Harper’s final sentencing tugs so hard on the obscurity of its logic, that it barely holds the resolution together. All of this is brought on, because Santa went to jail, and trust me – not in a cute, slapstick way.

Although the picture’s last five minutes tie loose ends and make everyone get an idilic, happy ever after, that does not make up for almost two hours of downfall. To my belief, it barely holds onto the brink of a spectator’s attention only by half a hair’s width.

Besides these points, I have to say the dialogue flowed smoothly and the craftsmanship of George Seaton shun through in that aspect. This rendition is a remake of 1947’s film of the same name. So, if we have to get analytical here, perhaps the storyline Seaton envisioned would have worked better for its original release time. The era was different, entertainment was meant for grown-ups rather than children. Therefore, giving it a second life in the nineties, when television and cinema had evolved to be any man’s game, should have endured larger changes.

Performances were delivered skilfully by the main cast. Mara Wilson is somewhat of a Macaulay Culkin case, having made her name a household item back in the day. Right now, she’s off into oblivion, although making theatrical appearances here and there. Dylan McDermott has become a regular on the small screen, with a very admirable lead role in the famous “American Horror Story”.

Although I’m all for changing it up every day of the countdown, I’m not sure how much this film can move its audience. Unlike the cheerfulness of “Arthur Christmas” or the desperation in “It’s A Wonderful Life”, “Miracle on 34th Street” manages to miss all the marks for me. It holds close to no impact, despite being dotted with touching moments. Something went wrong, but you could still enjoy it. Give the film a shot and commend bellow what you think on the subject!

Stay awesome! Only one more week until Christmas!

Megs x

Thoughts: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2

From the producers who brought us “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” last year, here comes the film of your entire lifetime. Brace yourself for a half hour of Megan Fox’s cleavage, followed by the voice of BoJack Horseman and his really goofy human face, only to end on a full ninety minutes of green CGI sewer tugs. Oh, and they’re also teenagers. And ninjas, who for some reason sound stereotypically black even though they’re played by an all-white crew. Heck yeah, twelve-pound tickets!

Let’s start this analysis on the cat with the hat – Michael Bay. Although he plummeted into an A-list career with a strong curriculum vitae, partaking in projects such as “Armageddon” (1998), “Pearl Harbour” (2001) & “Bad Boys” (1995), that friction has long been lost. Come 2007 and the reign of “Transformers” began, making the director a commercial joke in the eyes of fans. Now, a master of sequels and notoriously bombing productions, this film obviously felt like the logical step forward.

Crunching numbers, I can tell you to the best of my ability – “Out of the Shadows” will make money. There is no doubt in my mind its budget will break even on the first weekend of release. TMNT grossed a total of $493m. worldwide over an allowance of $192m in its entire run, tripling the Paramount prognoses. However, having said that, it also received a measly 21% approval rating on RottenTomatoes and a 5.9/10 on IMDB. Now, what does this tell us? Audiences watch it, having learned their lesson from “Transformers” and all of its sequels, but why?

Because bad, conventional blockbusting movies create conversation. Group behaviour tells us to watch it, because otherwise we’d be excluded from the jokes and all residual mocking conversations. We want to stay current without fear of exclusion. I skimmed through a WebMD article on the topic, so the facts check out.

This is exactly what TMNT 2 is counting on. Director Dave Green has one feature film under his belt, which gathered an even lower user score of 4.7 on Metacritic (“Earth to Echo”, 2014). Watching the trailer, nothing strikes me as particularly grabbing or exciting. It features a slow motion escape, just like the first one, awkward romance jokes, just like the first one, and a soundtrack of Will Arnett’s screams… Just like the first one.

Congratulations on making the exact same film with the exact same cast. Now feast on the millions of fanboy boners who will pay extra money to see this questionable creation blown up eight storeys high. This time starring Jessica’s body, William Fichtner’s forehead, Stephen Amell’s down-falling career and Tyler-Fucking-Perry. Featuring those four black turtle, sewer, painter thugs, who are also teenagers, ninjas and white actors.

P.S. This article may contain sarcasm, bad humour and a very biased opinion. I restrain from being objective, it’s really just not as fun. Enjoy!